Following the raw and honest piece I wrote for British Vogue after the night my baby died late into my pregnancy, I had been contacted by publishers to discuss whether I would write a book on my experience. The first of my Vogue articles on pregnancy and baby loss came just six months after Axel died and I knew I wasn't ready. I continued to write for Vogue, publishing my words on IVF, suicidal thoughts and the depression that followed not only the loss of my baby, but five failed IVF rounds.
It was in the lockdown of 2020 that I returned to the idea of writing a book on all that had happened. I was fortunate to find an agent that believed in my book immediately, and then knew Headline Books, part of Hachette, would be the right publisher to take the greatest care of such personal words.
I wrote day and night, I interviewed many kind and selfless people who allowed me to include their stories of pregnancy and baby loss, people who I will never be able to thank enough for being so open with their personal experiences. Within my book I knew I needed the words and experience of leading obstetrician gynaecologist Gubby Ayida, and the guidance and advice from author and psychotherapist Claire Bidwell-Smith. Latham Thomas kindly gave her time so I could interview her about her work and the ways in which she guides parents through the experience of pregnancy and baby loss.
Beyond Grief was published in 2022 and knowing my book is there for others who have lived through, or will live through, the experience of pregnancy loss, at any stage, is the one positive to come from the experience of losing my son. I hope the words on the pages will allow others to feel less alone in their grief.